Reports

Published on December 13th, 2014 | by Zog

17

Begin Again: First Place at the StreetPass UK Autumn Grand Final

“They say that Wii Us are reserved for kings.
That trophies are the realm of those who deserve them.
And in a critical hit, in the missing of a stone edge, fortunes change.
Through every bubbling comes the chance to top cut again.
To rebuild anew, atop the misclicks of the past.
Out of scrub comes pro.

We come to you, with the salt of a proud gamer, and the tilt-filled mind of a haxer-bathed Smogonite.
Let us begin the story now…”

Well, I asked my baby tarantula for ideas on a cool opening and that’s definitely what he told me. He moved his mouth and everything, honest, he was like the cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but less Soho.

He’s called Rob Swire, and he true be cold like Alaska freezer, whatever that means. Ask the guy he’s named after. Yet another tribute to glorious electronic music, he lives on my desk next to Skrillex the centipede and Calvin Harris the pitcher plant, who, incidentally, I did meet in the Summer. It just so happens that we fell in love, as his leaves turned brown. Yes, that’s another terrible musical reference, and I regret nothing. Because it’s funny. More importantly, however, Rob lives next to my brand new shiny Wii U, which is what this story is about.

Hold up your hands, and begin again

So, you probably know how sick I got of the standard XY format and its don’t-be-weak-to-Kangaskhan-use-Rock-Slide tendencies, and who didn’t? It was a format that I never really found myself a cohesive team for, which meant I wasn’t playing with anything good enough to more than top cut Nationals. I pretty blindly ran into it with stuff I’d made in about two seconds, and used practically the same stuff all season. In the end, come Worlds I was busy anyway, but it did kind of bother me how I hadn’t properly cracked the 2014 format. So, once I heard the lovely announcement for the Streetpass UK Autumn Event, I decided I had to make an effort for once and rolled out of bed to the local qualifier, which was a convenient one minute’s walk away, in a hall with walls adorned in paintings of cherubim, and naked soldiers. I managed to lose to Steelix, because I’m an idiot and was really hung over and forgot it learned rock moves, but I won an invitation to the grand final in Manchester, which was what mattered. Soon after, I began thinking about finally making that one team I could say I was proud of. I decided to make like Knife Party’s new album and Abandon Ship: Reconnect and bring out a load of new material. Begin Again and come up with something that’s basically the same but kind of slightly different. A Pokémon equivalent to middling electro, text-to-speech sampling, and bad deep house. A team so foolproof that even I can win a Wii U with it. So dastardly and ironic that the Mamoswine is called Mammoth. The Best. Team. Ever.
So I began training. I spent long and hard nights on the Hyperbolic Time Chamber that is Pokémon Showdown, with a variety of unprintable and hilarious usernames involving words such as “massive”, “leaky”, and “panther”. I’d organised something nice, based around a specially defensive Aegislash named Resistance (“This… is a knife!”), the beautifully-monikered XGonGivIt2Ya the Charizard X, and Red Dawn the Talonflame. All was well, until I kept playing this German guy with a Raichu and Azumarill lead, and couldn’t beat him however hard I tried. I must’ve lost to him a dozen times before it (Red) dawned upon me: “I practically invented Lightningrod + Azumarill! What am I doing not using it again?!?!” I’d well and truly forgotten the trick of my best team in the format… whoops. Except Raichu was an even better partner for Azumarill than Mega-Manectric, and it let me use a Mega in the back. So I pondered, deeply and meditatively, for about the ten seconds it required to put a team together. This is what I came up with.

You are now about to witness the strength… of street knowledge

Gin and Juice- Snoop Dogg
“Rollin’ down the street, doing nothing in particular, sippin’ on gin and juice!”
Azumarill @ Sitrus Berry
Ability: Huge Power
EVs: 164 HP / 252 Attack / 92 Speed
Adamant Nature
– Play Rough
– Aqua Jet
– Belly Drum
– Protect

With my mind on my offensive pressure and my offensive pressure on my mind. Nope, doesn’t work. This Azumarill set, though, works obscenely well.
The cool thing about Azumarill is how everything takes huge damage from its Play Rough, but barely anything can one-hit KO it. And if the opponent doesn’t hit it, they leave it able to set up a massive attack stat and risk taking Aqua Jets that wreck their entire team without giving them a chance to hit it back. So, Azumarill is pretty much always going to win if it’s played right. That’s why I like it. That, and it’s really cute.

Like the clearly tanked rabbit itself, gin and juice is so pleasant, but it hits you hard if you don’t pour it right. Pour a measure of clear gin in the bottom of the glass, and then fill it up with orange juice on top. Looks kind of like a shiny Azumarill’s pattern, right? So the Snoop Dogg classic suits better than anything.

And hey, notice something funny about the EV spread? Yeah, it’s Baz Anderson’s spread with 1 extra speed in case I played him. Teehee, I’m so naughty.

Volt- Yung Lean
“Not supposed to make it so we chase it till we got ‘em all”
Raichu @ Focus Sash
Ability: Lightningrod
EVs: 4 Attack / 252 Special Attack / 252 Speed
Timid Nature
– Thunderbolt
– Fake Out
– Encore
– Protect

This is my Raichu. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My Raichu is my best frien- actually nah… that’s pushing it a bit. Really, though, my Raichu’s pretty unique.

For some reason, nobody else seems to run Protect on Raichu and I have absolutely no idea why. It’s clearly a better move to carry than Hidden Power Ice, which doesn’t actually KO anything Azumarill can’t already. Raichu’s here to support Azumarill and pressure the opponent into attacking me, and it does that better if it stays alive for longer, hence the Protect and Focus Sash. Encore, however, is the real star move. Try to use Protect against Azumarill? Enjoy getting either Encore sticking you into it, or having to switch out into something Azumarill can totally wallop. Basically, Raichu’s support puts a lot of pressure on the opponent, since they can’t use Electric moves in front of it, its fast Fake Out gives me advantage in the first turn, and I can use Encore to trap the opponent in bad moves, all while Azumarill is dealing loads of damage. Raichu and Azumarill has to be one of the best lead combinations in the game: it gives the user overwhelming field control and lets you punish practically everything the opponent can throw at you. Just how I like it!

Volt’s not just called that because it’s Electric-type, it’s actually more imaginative than you might think. Yung Lean is possibly the definition of niche. Nobody sane can even come close to comprehending that which is Yung Lean and his Sadboys. So, you have no idea how happy I was when I found him on the internet last year. He constantly wears bucket hats with sunglasses and goes on about Pokémon whilst prancing about and ostentatiously sipping Arizona iced tea. If this wasn’t literally me aged 10 and up, I’d be copying him right now and not regretting a minute of it. God, I love Yung Lean. If you’re not already a Sadboy (Which is legitimately a unisex term), go and watch the video to the song Hurt, because it is, in my opinion, the best four minutes on the internet. Volt’s one of his newer and artier tracks, which, if you read into the lyrics, is about how all the haters told him he’d never get famous, but now he’s mixing orange juice and alcohol, in a spaceship. And there’s a basketball involved, and rupees. Oh, and he puts drugs in his smoothies. The orange juice and alcohol represents Azumarill, and the spaceship his alienation from society. The basketball is an allegory for oranges, and how they are also orange, like my shiny Raichu and Azumarill. But oranges don’t bounce. They just splat and make a mess, a situation that’s affected me personally. As you can see, there’s hard-hitting themes involved and it’s very deep and meaningful. Really makes you think.

Bad- David Guetta
“Why does it feel so good… to be bad?”
Mawile @ Mawilite
Ability: Intimidate/Huge Power
EVs: 252 HP / 252 Attack / 4 Speed
Adamant Nature
– Play Rough
– Iron Head
– Sucker Punch
– Protect

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the club tune of 2014. As the DJ presses the play button on his Macbook, tensions rise: the build-up resonates into the glory of synthetic fanfare. Pray tell, what is that luminous serenade emanating from those standard issue Welsh nightclub speakers, the ones famous Nugget Bridge member _OR1 lost a paper parrot between, leading to a fatal case of the jolly belly tickly? For the fifth time tonight, it’s Bad by David Guetta, and it has all 6 misfits on the dancefloor bouncing. I wonder: why does it feel so good… to be bad?

RAH NANANAH RANAH RAHNANANAH NANAH, RAHNANANAH NANAH, RANANANAH NAH

The crowd goes wild, shuffling around vaguely in circles as they usually do.

“HANDS UP IF YOU’RE FROM BANGOR UNI!”

Everyone flails their hands somewhere in the air, except Koryo because bless him he’s actually a local.

RAH NANANAH RANAH RAHNANANAH NANAH, RAHNANANAH NANAH, RANANANAH NAH

“Gaz from Geordie Shore is in the building!!!” The kids keep shamble dancing. They can’t get enough of this big room house music. Except they can, because I honestly couldn’t tell you the kind of person who enjoys listening to it. It’s in the charts! Who is paying money for this stuff?!

RAH NANANAH RANAH RAHNANANAH NANAH, RAHNANANAH NANAH, RANANANAH NAH

And then you just give up and start laughing because, honestly… who even cares? You’re in Wales, for some reason, surrounded by people who are equally questioning why they’re there, drowning in a booming sonic mire; the soundtrack to the end of the world. The sticky satellite town dancefloor is the embodiment of grimness; it’s a scum that grips. It’s grimmer than Kony 2012, and hey look, there’s even a naked guy running down the street. You question everything about the kind of society that not so much allows this kind of nonsense, but encourages it. Then you don’t care. Because it feels good to be bad.

This is basically why I use standard Mega-Mawile. No matter how hard you can try to be above it, you can’t, so just go with what you’re given, and focus on playing it to its strengths, which means play your Mawile standard. You can try to be smart with a fancy defensive spread, or Rock Slide, or Fire Fang, but it just doesn’t work. Thanks to Huge Power, your Attack EVs actually have twice as much effect than if you put them in any other stat, so it’s so much more efficient than using anything else. To use anything other than the standard is, as they say in my country, all fur coat and no knickers. Which, fair enough, is a good look if you can rock it. You, however, probably can’t.

Spitfire- The Prodigy
“If I was in World War Two they’d call me… Spit-fire!”
Charizard @ Charizardite Y
Ability: Blaze/Drought
EVs: 252 HP / 4 Defence / 60 Special Attack / 4 Special Defence / 188 Speed
Modest Nature
– Overheat
– Heat Wave
– Solarbeam
– Protect

Tuuuune! If you don’t like The Prodigy, you’re lying to yourself. Given the fact I do possess questionable taste, you may disagree with me. I mean, I’m not going to beat about the bush, I did think “Hey QT” was a good song. That said, The Prodigy are pretty great, as you’ll probably agree with me.

In this song, the sampled vocalist asserts that, had he been involved in world conflict of 1939-1945, people would’ve referred to him by the name of a kind of English fighting aeroplane. Now, I can’t vouch for the legitimacy of that somewhat fanciful claim. What I can do, however, is point out that Charizard, too, was a child of the late ‘90s, and he definitely spits fire. Setting Sun’s more refined brother, Spitfire probably has the best Charizard Y setup you’re ever going to get. Truth be told, if I’d run this guy at Nationals, like I should’ve done, I think I’d probably have done a lot better. But I went with Kangaskhan because I was beginning to feel like a one-trick pony, so whoops. That’s how I ended up with my massive rain weakness: I’d basically been using Charizard to beat it the entire time, then totally forgot rain was a thing as soon as I removed it, which was something of a mistake.

Charizard Y controls the field and pressures the opponent. If they don’t immediately get on his case, he’ll blow them away. He’s simple enough, but gets the job done and gives people plenty of trouble, unless they have a faster Rock-type move user, which is pretty much only Garchomp, and something else I’d later be reminded of. Anyway, Spitfire is a plain good piece of music. Sadly though, the fact they never play it anywhere, yet I’m always hearing stuff like Bad. Like TM21, that’s an endless source of Frustration.

(Whaaayyy!!)

Mammoth- Dimitri Vegas, Moguai and Like Mike
“Woop doop doop! Woopa doopa doopaaa! Woop doop doop!”
Mamoswine @ Life Orb
Ability: Thick Fat
EVs: 4 HP / 252 Attack / 252 Speed
Adamant Nature
– Earthquake
– Icicle Spear
– Ice Shard
– Protect

‘Cause he’s a mammoth? Get it? …oh, it’s just not a good joke. That’s okay. I suppose I can’t win them all.

If Spitfire’s my favourite dance floor tune of the ‘90s, Mammoth is probably my favourite of the current decade. It’s so sad-sounding, and yet so powerfully stoic. Kind of like Manny the Mammoth from Ice Age. He’s pretty cool, but he misses his family, so he’s a sad boy but also a strong boy. The song’s writers manage to convincingly synthesize this dicey melancholic vibe, despite being respectively named after money laundering, something you shouldn’t feed after midnight, and a septic tank of Lil’ Bow Wow. It’s inspirational.

So yeah, quite clearly this guy is the perfect partner for Charizard. Those icy cool wabi-sabi overtones are just too much for dragons like Garchomp to handle. Mammoth knows he’s not perfect. He knows he’s no longer meant for this world. But he’s come to terms with it, and it just makes him want to dance his stubby little legs off, and then die again, like he should’ve done 10,000 years ago. Honestly, I wish I could tell you the mammoth was going to come back, but I actually share a lab with a guy on the front line of mammoth ancient DNA research and yeah, not going to happen anytime soon. He reckons that if they did Jurassic Park one back to life, it’d just sit there like a big woolly Eeyore and ruin everyone’s day, and I think he’s right. I like to play with the dead squirrel he keeps in the fridge.

Now, how to finish off my team? Hmm…

Next, on Intervention…

Satisfaction- Benny Benassi
“Push me. And then just touch me. Till I can get my. Satisfaction.”
Garchomp @ Lum Berry
Ability: Rough Skin
EVs: 4 HP / 252 Attack / 252 Speed
Jolly Nature
– Earthquake
– Dragon Claw
– Rock Slide
– Protect

I was warned about Garchomp. I was told, dog. But it keeps happening. I tried to do things differently. I TRIED!

Actually no I didn’t. I really, really didn’t. Please, just check me into Garchomp rehab or something. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel: Zog doesn’t always have to use Lum Berry Garchomp. This is a short appeal. For just two pounds a month, you could help Zogs like Zog have access to a clean Dragon-type. A Dragon-type that doesn’t have 4 HP EVs, 252 Attack EVs, and 252 Speed EVs. The future is bright, and it’s hopefully not nicknamed Satisfaction.

Well, Garchomp is still as good as it always was. I picked it in games where it was better than Mamoswine, like if they had a Charizard or Talonflame. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Garchomp is the best non-Mega Pokémon in the metagame. I win by never having deadweight, and Garchomp is never deadweight.

That’s each of the members of the team!

Where the hood, where the hood, where the hood at?

<Each Pokémon’s picture all in a line here would be cool>

So, you’ve seen each Pokémon. The most important part of the team, though, is how it fits together. You’ve probably guessed that Raichu and Azumarill are meant to go alongside. By default, I’d usually lead those two whatever the opponent had, using different if they had a team that was particularly unfriendly to either. Raichu would then be free to distract the opponent and put down any cocky Pokémon weak to Electric, while Azumarill wreaks havoc on the rest of the team. The only real answers to this lead are Grass-types, which, by virtue of being rare thanks to their weakness to Talonflame, and handled by Charizard, aren’t much of a problem. If I was up against a Grass-type or a rain team, Charizard would be chosen in the back, or frequently as a lead alongside Raichu. As you can imagine, Charizard did show his face in pretty much all of my games. Mawile was almost exclusively left to matchups involving Kangaskhan, which was weirdly not that often. Then I’d have Garchomp or Mamoswine depending on if I needed Garchomp’s Rock Slide or Mamoswine’s Ice Shard and stronger Earthquake. But hey, that’s enough boring explanation. You’d rather see for yourself, right?

Are you ready… for the grand finale?

I’d actually been looking forward to the day, as it happens. When Chris (Havak) and the rest of the team organise a tournament, it’s always as good as UK Pokémon gets, so probably the highest quality grassroots Pokémon you’ll find anywhere, plus alcohol. So all in all, top day out.

This one was the Streetpass UK Autumn Grand Final, which was the culmination of a couple of dozen qualifiers held by Streetpass UK groups across the country. The top four at each won an invitation to play at Bar21 in Manchester, for the chance to win a Wii U, trophies and the new games. I’ve had a secret rule for myself since the Wii U came out: I wasn’t allowed to buy one, I had to win one from a tournament. So, I had to put some effort in and bring it home this time.
The lil’ bro and I managed to easily make it to the venue this time, without walking past and entirely missing it. Which was fortunate, since later it turned out there was a dead guy poking out from under a bush a little down the road and had I got lost in the same place as I did last tournament, it would’ve been me that found the poor fella. Hash tag downer? Luckily for me that ended up being somebody else’s problem, so I settled down and got myself a gin and juice, in honour of my lovely Azumarill. I vaguely remember Foodking accusing me of having ebola and me telling him that if he wasn’t careful I’d wee on his face, and then he’d have ebola too. It’s funny; where life takes you.

Round one… FIGHT!

Round 1 Vs. Rachel Annand (SPEevee)

Raichu, Azumarill, Mega Mawile, Mamoswine Vs. Mienshao, Gardevoir, Mega Manectric, Garchomp

Her country might’ve quailed at competing with the rest of the UK, but Rachel, Scotland’s strongest trainer, has been doing it for years and it shows. I had a tough first round, and it was time to give it a go. Things get off to an extremely Rocky start, and for a while it seems like my chances are Sliding into oblivion, but give it a watch and you’ll see what happens! Loads of really cool moves in this one.

1-0

I may have taken the first round, but I did not take Scotland’s freedom. Its general public did that.

Round 2 Vs. Joe Wilson (Russian)

Raichu, Mega Charizard Y, Azumarill, Garchomp Vs. Mega Manectric, Talonflame, Politoed, Ludicolo

Oh, hello. Yet again, I’m playing Mr. Fluffy Hair and his… actually glorious rain team. Get ready for a nice game! It’s all about bringing it to 2-2 and positioning my Charizard to underspeed his scarf Politoed and get the sun on the field for the endgame.

…ah, wasn’t scarfed, was it? Splish splash, quality game with a quality player.

1-1

Round 3 Vs. Chris Littlechild

Raichu, Mega Charizard Y, Azumarill, Garchomp Vs. Mega Kangaskhan, Politoed, Ludicolo, Aegislash

Chris was a little bigger than I expected, and seemingly also an adult. I felt somehow lied to. He was, however, packing both one dangerous rain team and the favour of the gods. Scary!

See, games like that are why I wear dark-coloured trousers. Around now I begin to realise how badly-prepared for Ludicolo I am after dropping Talonflame, so I buy a fifth or seventh gin and juice.

2-1

Round 4 Vs. Ben Markham (Benster)

Raichu, Mega Mawile, Mamoswine, Garchomp Vs. Talonflame, Hydreigon, Mega Kangaskhan, Azumarill

Sadly gonna have to omit the video for this one since I can only upload 10 at once, but it was still a nice game. Raichu takes down Talonflame on the first turn, Kangaskhan drops Garchomp soon after but goes out with Rough Skin, and I’m feeling comfortable with Ben’s Specs Hydreigon locked into Fire Blast. But wait… oh whoops, I brought Mawile. That’s… going to be a problem. So I have to go a little into the rough and double target Hydreigon with Ice Shard and Sucker Punch for the KO. Kids, this is why I use 252 Attack EVs. Wins you games, even if you screw up!

3-1

Round 5 Vs. Dennis Kinghorn

Raichu, Azumarill, Mamoswine, Mega Mawile Vs. Garchomp, Zapdos, Mega Mawile, Greninja

This pleasant fellow named Dennis used a classic and imposing ZapChomp DisQuake team, which made me nostalgic for the olden days of 2009. Ah, those days as a chubby-cheeked and insomniac 16-year-old, with a shiny addiction and zero killer instinct. That year I top cut Nationals with Explosion Gengar and Kabutops, with IVs so bad they each got OHKOed by Thunder Fang Salamence and Charge Beam Cresselia. In March, I introduced my good friend Andy to his first Pokémon game. By June he’d blown my idiot self out of the water and won tickets to Worlds. Yeah, I don’t think I miss 2009. All this nostalgia made me wonder, though, what would it be like to have a baby named Dennis? It just doesn’t fit. It’s like having an Imogen who isn’t an emo. In case you’re guessing, yeah the game left a little to be desired. But it was nice talking to Dennis.

4-1

Round 6 Vs. Sam Bentham (SuperIntegration)

Raichu, Azumarill, Mamoswine, Mega Charizard Y Vs. Garchomp, Rotom-W, Scrafty, Mega Mawile

Ouch! It’s a nasty matchup to end the Swiss rounds. See, I might be a scientist, but at heart I’m a bit of a dippy creative. Sam’s a mathematician, and his cold hard numbers hit me for super effective damage. Mathematics scare me. They make me feel lost and powerless, like Les Dennis.

Harsh, harsh game, and it all comes down to one turn.

…ah, that had to happen, didn’t it. Icicle Spear only needed 3 hits or one critical to KO, then Rock Slide goes and flinches me. But I don’t mind that much; I didn’t play perfectly, Sam is strong, and as luck would have it I’m still in the top cut!

4-2

Time for some pretty nice free pizza and a sixth? Eleventh? Gin and juice. Delicious. And now, the top cut.

Top 16 Vs. Alex Parker

Game 1

Mega Charizard Y, Garchomp, Mamoswine, Azumarill Vs. Nidoqueen, Azumarill, Mega Lucario, Rotom-H

Immediately Rotom’s Thunderbolt critical hits and somehow knocks out my Charizard, meaning he’s running the rare offensive set and I’m not happy. I’m more than a little mad at this kind of thing happening at exactly the wrong moment, and end up running right into a Protect from his Azumarill, losing Mamoswine to a sun-boosted Overheat that I weirdly assumed wouldn’t KO. In the space of two turns, I’ve been unnecessarily wrecked by this stupid Rotom, and it’s all my fault. Then, the icing on the cake: he’s running a ridiculously fast Azumarill. As the brothers from Rotherham would so wisely say: Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear. I’m about to throw the teddy out of the cot when Alex, God bless him, points out that it’s a best of three. Phew! Good thing I’m not a sore loser, right? …right?

Game 2

Mamoswine, Mega Charizard Y, Azumarill, Garchomp Vs. Azumarill, Nidoqueen, Abomasnow, Mega Lucario
I hope you, dear reader, realise at this point just how stressy Alex’s team was making me. I used to have a stress ball that, if you squeezed it, would play a sound clip of Michael Winner saying “Calm down, dear!”. Michael Winner doesn’t stop you from feeling stressed. Michael Winner only makes it worse. But now he’s dead, so I’m safe now. This game was thrillingly noxious so I’ll give you the video. I brought Charizard thinking it wouldn’t be threatened by his Mega Lucario. Then, once the big dog hit the field, I knew something was wrong. My spidey senses were tingling. So I took a risk, and it paid off. Happy viewing.

Game 3

Garchomp, Mega Charizard Y, Azumarill, Mamoswine Vs. Mega Lucario, Rotom-H, Azumarill, Hydreigon

So here it is. Back to the wall against one brutally tough adversary. I know what’s coming: it’s a leap of faith. Come on, Stone Edge! Show me why you’re the worst move in the game!

I’m a lucky little lolcat. Thanks to Alex for being a good sport and giving me one of the toughest matches I can remember! I’m a little worried, though, about facing any more Rock-carrying Mega Lucario, which I’d totally forgotten was even a thing. Because I’m silly.

Top 8 Vs. Alan West (alanspurs)

Alan was the 6-0 in Swiss, so I know I’m in for a hard time. It’s time to fight for a copy of Omega Ruby!

Game 1

Mamoswine, Mega Charizard Y, Azumarill, Raichu Vs. Ludicolo, Politoed, Hydreigon, Mega Mawile

Eek, Politoed and Ludicolo! I don’t really know what to do and just hit everything with Play Rough until I get a grip and remember… wait, I can use the rain to KO Politoed with Aqua Jet. How fortunate. From there I make it sunny again and clean up with Charizard and priority moves. Sorted.

Game 2

Mamoswine, Mega Charizard Y, Azumarill, Raichu Vs. Hydreigon, Mega Mawile, Politoed, Ludicolo

I had a hunch and I rode it like a Japanese grasshopper man on a talking motorbike. Strong game!

Thanks for the games, Alan! Lovely games, lovely bloke. And hey, he got his revenge on me a few days ago when he steamrolled my second badge Omega Ruby team with… Swagger spam. Surskit and Nuzleaf had less of a chance than Barney in the Kowloon Walled City.

Top 4 Vs. Joe Wilson (Russian)

We meet again, fluffy man. Your rainy poser days are over, jerk! Now I’ll get my revenge. Sun versus rain. Dragon versus frog. Hotness versus wetness. Two polar opposites, so divergent yet intrinsically linked. Our teams form antipodean perfection: a Yin and Yang of children’s computer gaming. In case you’re wondering, though, yes, I am the hot one.

Game 1

Raichu, Azumarill, Mega Charizard Y, Mamoswine Vs. Mega Manectric, Talonflame, Politoed, Ludicolo

Now I know his Politoed isn’t scarfed, I manage to face Joe down and beat him. Like Alan Partridge before me, I’ve proven the possibility of being funnier than rain. In this moment, I am euphoric. Now all I have to do is keep it up.

Game 2

Raichu, Mega Charizard Y, Mamoswine, Azumarill Vs. Mega Manectric, Aegislash, Politoed, Ludicolo

Here we go, I’m gonna do it, I’m gonna go full Adele and set fiiiire, to the raaaaain!

…ah. Whoops. Well, Play Rough’s always going to do you in every now and then. If I hadn’t have been overly cautious about a possible Wide Guard at the start of the game, though, that wouldn’t have happened.

Game 3

This is it. A Pokémon battle so relatively epic, it would’ve made Jesus Ninahaza fall backwards off his chair all over again. Enjoy.

Amazing games as always with Joe, the best rain player in the country. And hey, would you believe it? Just like that, I’m in the final.

Final Vs. Richard Fairbrother (NidoRich)

Now, Rich and I were the only two guys playing who’ve won a Manchester tournament before. Could I let him beat me and be drawing with my at this point 2 Manchester wins? No way! Manchester’s mine, I can’t lose it to a literal Scrub! I’d come so far. I needed that Wii U, and its ability to waste even more of my precious free time.

Game 1

Raichu, Azumarill, Mega Charizard Y, Garchomp Vs. Gardevoir, Mega Manectric, Lapras, Talonflame

Here we go! We’re on the big screen for glory, and a Wii U. Gardevoir, which for some reason is named Boris, traces Huge Power… lucky. I want to beat it up because someone once told me I was the Boris Johnson of Pokémon, and I was very offended. However, he switches it into Talonflame? Well, I do what I did last time I played Rich, and to give the crowd a bit of excitement Belly Drum up, the only time I used it all tournament. Thanks to Talonflame, Azumarill’s now in huge danger from Brave Bird, which ironically plays in my favour since the predictability of me Protecting it means I’m almost certain Rich will double up on the Raichu that’s bothering Manectric, so I just attack with Azumarill for an easy KO at the expense of Raichu, who I deliberately sacrificed to hide Protect for the next game. *I move away from the mic to breathe in*. So I bring in Charizard and… ah, he doesn’t have a counter to it. That’s boring. I feel kind of bad for spamming Heat Wave for the win on the big screen final but it’s all in the name of a Wii U, and bashing Boris Johnson.

Game 2

Raichu, Mega Charizard Y, Garchomp, Azumarill Vs. Manectric, Talonflame, Gardevoir, Mega Lucario

Now, that’s more like it. This game was on a knife-edge. My team’s one true nemesis, Rock-carrying Mega Lucario, in the final. A double target from Lucario and any of its teammates is enough to KO any of my Pokémon, so one wrong prediction and I’m done. How will Zog cope? Will he crack under the pressure? Find out by clicking the play button!

Had that Rock Slide flinched my Azumarill, I think that would’ve been a very different story. Rich played it well and made some ballsy moves, but other than Lucario I think the matchup was strongly in my favour. Once he was out of the picture, Charizard could to town on his whole team and that really swung it for me. So woo! I won! I got the Wii U! I’m proper chuffed.

Oh baby, a triple! Oh, yeah!

And that’s how I won my third Manchester tournament and got more excited for the next year of Pokémon. I hope you enjoyed reading about it, and maybe learning something new and pointless. Being able to do well again’s really got me back into the Pokémon, and I’m looking forward to the new format. I’ll be putting a lot of effort in this year to make sure I get to Boston, and really smash the scene up a bit. I want that World Champion title!

Hey QT! Yeah, there’s something I want to say!

• Massive thanks to everyone who organised the event, wherever you were. None of this would’ve been possible without your hard work! You’re all treasures. Especially Chris and James who were on the frontline managing the brackets and- get this- having the next round’s matchups ready within seconds of the last result being posted in. These events are literally the gold standard of grassroots Pokémon. Non-UK people, y’all better be jelly.
• Love you all, amazing Pokémon trainers. It wouldn’t be the same without the beautiful, tipsy characters gracing the tournament floor, and meeting great new people at every event. Moments like Jake’s “I think it’s rum?” shots, oh wait, too late, it’s 85% alcohol drain cleaner and now we’ve all downed it. Teehee. Stuff like that, it’s special. You’ll get me out one day, promise! And I’m gonna swing from the Chandeluuuure, from the Chandeluuuuuuuuure.
• I’ve been thinking a lot about how I should practise for the coming season, and I decided I’ll give a shot at doing proper VGC livestreams, where I’ll test out teams and talk about VGC and just random funny things. Problem is, right now I can’t afford a capture card. If you think it’s worth doing and you’d watch me, I’d like you to tell me. I think it’ll be really fun and I want to help the game grow but it’s a pretty big investment, so let me know if it’s worth doing!

So, thanks for reading! See you next time.

About the Author

Zog A veteran tournament player, Daniel "Zog" Nolan is proud of his no-nonsense attitude and silly sense of humour. When he's actually doing work, Zog likes to hide toy snakes in the wilderness (and other decidedly more lab-based activities) in the name of scientific progress. Follow on Instagram at dan_z_nolan and Twitter @Zoggykins!

Related Posts

Memoirs of a World Champion: by 2015 World Champion SHADEviera →

The Other Fire Doge: A Top 8 Lancaster Report →

Blazing Forward! A Malaysian Regionals 2nd Place Report →

Top 4, Top 4, We’ve Never Used This Team Before →